Celebrating the Life of
Ruth Smiler
May 25, 1946 — September 19, 2023
Obituary
Ruth Smiler passed away peacefully on September 19, 2023 at age 77 in her home in Alameda, California. Born on May 25, 1946 in Minneapolis, Minnesota to parents Betty and Max Milner, Ruth was a graduate of Radcliffe College at Harvard. She married Chuck Smiler in December of her senior year in college, who she had attended high school and college with, and soon after gave birth to their only child, Alice.
Ruth pursued many paths along the way, working briefly in urban planning in Boston, Massachusetts after graduating, as a textile artist as well as vintage clothing and small antiques store owner in Montpelier, Vermont. She was an active volunteer in Vermont while her daughter, Alice was in school, serving on the local school board, and designing costumes for the high school plays. Ruth was active in the Central Vermont artist community, traveled throughout the northeast to show her work at many arts and crafts fairs both solo and with her friend and S&McQ Designs business partner, Agathe. She also was a guest teacher during that time at Arrowmont School of Arts & Crafts. Later, while living in New Bedford, Massachusetts she helped furnish and run Captain Haskell's Octagon House Bed & Breakfast with Chuck. Ruth loved to roadtrip, and took several van trips crisscrossing the United States, often with pets, proudly keeping track of every state she visited on a map she painted on the side of the van.
Ruth was a huge dog and cat lover her entire life, and passionate about all things animal rescue, working later in life as a dog trainer, fostering cats, and caring for many pets over the course of her life. She was thrifty and crafty, sewing quilts and knitting, doing restoration of vintage linens and clothing, and later got into furniture painting and faux finishing. After moving to California, she became very politically active, volunteering in local voting drives, democratic socialist campaigns, vigils, and protests with Alameda Progressives and SURJ. Upon Trump being elected, she launched a Saturday vigil on Park St. in Alameda, and pledged not to stop the weekly peaceful protest until he left office, which was only deterred by failing health.
Ruth was known for her sense of fashion and animal prints, her love of the color green, and big bangle bracelets. She loved gardening, going out to hear jazz, and became an incredible cultivator of succulents in California. Ruth was quick-witted, deep thinking, creative, and an avid reader to the end. Even after her health declined, she continued to enjoy walking her beloved West End neighborhood in Alameda, shopping her favorite thrift stores, going out to eat cuisines from every part of the world, visiting with family, and seeing the occasional movie. Family and friends whose lives were touched by Ruth are invited to celebrate by sharing memories, stories and photos on this memorial page.
Memories and Condolences
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From left to right: Cousin Richie & Cousin Susie Strick, Grandma Sarah and little Ruthie!
Ruth, baby Alice & Ginger (1968)
Ruth's beloved first dog, Heidi
I have so many fond memories of Ruth at family gatherings over the years for birthdays, holidays, graduations and no particular reason, especially after Ruth moved to California. Dim sum in her beautiful backyard garden was a special treat.
Holiday Fever, 1978's Smiler card
Some of my favorite memories of Ruth revolve around the annual “Smiler” holiday card. For over 25 years, the family would get together for Thanksgiving, and all sit around, usually over a drink or two, trying to come up with a clever idea. Once we had one, we often enlisted Ruth’s artistic and craft skills in the execution. Here's "Alice in Smilerland" from 1968.
I will alway be grateful to Ruth for the many kind ways she helped me figure out how to fit in with the Smilers. I will always admire and be impressed by the ways Ruth expressed and defended her deeply-felt and well-reasoned convictions. And I will always remember Ruth with a smile every time I grind pepper onto my food. Thank you Ruth for being my sister-in-law.
My memories of Ruth always return to the garden she cultivated in Alameda. There’s a song that says, “Now I walk in Beauty Beauty is before me Beauty is behind me Above and below me…” Ruth’s garden was the song made real. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0hZujNbYg8
Way back in the day Ruth was instrumental in convincing Alice to go out on a "date" with me. It was the summer of 1987. I was up in Central Vermont studying with Mamet and what was to become the Atlantic Theater Company. I had to wait my turn to call Alice at her home in Middlesex on a hall phone from one of the Dorms at Vermont College. I kept calling and finally, Alice agreed to go out with me. I later learned Ruth said to Alice, "How bad could it be". So it began. Thank you Ruth for the love of my life, Alice, and the mother of two incredible kids, your grandchildren.
I met Ruth when we started Alameda Progressives. I was struck immediately by her 'can-do' attitude and determination to start the weekly Saturday vigils. Whether 2 or 50 people showed up, Ruth was always welcoming and encouraging. She was never intimidated by naysayers (and we had some). What was especially heartwarming to me was the circle up at the end of the hour and Ruth reading inspirational words to us all. She was a touchstone and I will miss her.
I last visited my sister on September 6th. She was home under hospice care. She was laying in a hospital bed in her room, flickering in and out of wakefulness. We talked, a little. We reviewed all of her dogs. And places where she had lived. Her hair had been beautifully French braided by Roxanne, one of Ruth's wonderful caregivers. It was like a crown. I told Ruth she was beautiful. She laughed, "Really?" When she dozed off, I continued to sit by her and did this pencil sketch. This is the last drawing I did of my sister.
Ruth's beloved last dog, Arlo was always by her side. When I visited on June 2nd, Arlo patiently allowed me to paint this watercolor of him.
I visited my sister at her house on June 2, 2023. I had made a spinach quiche for us to have for lunch. First, we walked around the block, Ruth using a walker. After lunch, as she sat in her living room chaise lounge, Ruth agreed to my sketching her. "My Sister's Hands" is drawn with water soluble graphite. These are the hands of a "maker". Her illness in recent years robbed her of the dexterity required for sewing. When we were children, Ruth used our Grandma Sarah's treadle Singer sewing machine.
My late wife Margaret Alice and I were close friends with Ruth and Chuck from before Alice was born. In fact, it is not a coincidence that she was named Alice Margaret. I was honored to be the best man at Ruth and Chuck’s wedding and Margaret considered Ruth to be her closest friend. Ruth was one of the smartest people I ever met and was a source of inspiration about all the things that mattered most to us - good food, interesting collectables, skillfully made crafts and abiding friendship. I am sad that both Margaret and Ruth are now gone but I have many memories of them both that sustain me.
The Smilers visit Iowa. Betty and Max there, too. June 1987. Taking a walk in a prairie preserve near the Milner-Brage's home in Cedar Falls, Iowa. L to R: Jules, John, Ruth, Alice, Chuck, Betty, Max.
Max reading to Ruth & Marci. 1954. 530 Wickham Road, Manhattan, Kansas.
Ruth & her quilts, 1981. Montpelier, VT
Cousins on Bed Richard Strick, Marci, Susan Strick McKenzie, Ruth at Jules & Karine's wedding, April 2006, Palo Alto, CA
Cousins Richard Strick, Marci, Ruth, Susan Strick McKenzie Benton Harbor, MI mid-1950s
Ruth with two of her beloved dogs--Daisy, the Doberman, and the corgi, Mickey. On the coast near New Bedford, MA
Four generations: Ruth, Betty, Ana, Alice. Taken at Betty & Max's Grosvenor Park condo in Rockville, MD. (2000 or 2001)
The Milner family ~1955. Betty & Max with daughters Ruth, on right, Marci, in the middle. We were living in Manhattan, Kansas, where my father was a grain chemist at Kansas State University. This portrait taken soon before our father left for 6 months working at the Technion in the newly formed State of Israel.
On behalf of our family, we want to give a huge shout out of love and thanks to Ruth's amazing team of caregivers who stuck with her, cared for her, made her laugh and kept her active the past few years. They helped us fulfill her wish to remain in her own home until the very end with her beloved Arlo. The gift of care, compassion and loyalty they have shown is unmatched. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you to: Mary Anne, Seini, Meleane, Roxanne, Melissa, and Robin!
One of my favorite portraits ever taken of my mom, taken last year by my son Zander, at a random family gathering at Cookie & Marlene's house. He was trying out a vintage lens Marlene was gifting him, using it on his brand new high end camera he had recently bought himself. She famously never liked photos of herself, and she shrugged it off when she saw it saying she didn't think it was all that great, but the rest of it think it is simple and beautiful.
Portrait of Ruth and her beloved dog Ruffle
324 Forest Family
Reading to her grandchildren, 2006
Halloween 2003, three generations of women!
This classic image was taken by cousin Rosamunde of Ruth thrifting, a frequent pastime of hers.
She was a founding member of Alameda Human Billboard Vigils
Featured in local newspaper
Evidence that her love of animals started young
Rob & Alice's wedding: Mother Daughter photo
Camping with Ginger in the 60s
Grandma was always finding ways to be active in the community especially in her last home, Alameda, CA.
Alice, Chuck…and grandchildren… I was very glad she found a happy home on Alameda, and had a few good visits with her there… But what I remember most was her support - in the Grand Union with sparkles in her hair and in her vintage clothes …of me, when Peter made the unfortunate decision to run against Madeleine…it was a moment! Love you all, Sally
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